Once upon a time,

A young girl came of age while living inside a fallen tower. The tower was also home to a beast, who made the girl his ward. Although he fed the girl, he paid her little attention except when he played. His games were typically self-involved, yet he often demanded her undivided attention as he faced his challenges. Unfortunately, the beast was temperamental, and if the girl distracted him or wavered in her interest, she was met with rage. Other things had the ability to anger the beast, and if he lost a round in his game he would throw things, yell, and rage anyways. The girl eventually escaped the tower, but her mind was forever trapped with the memories of her guardian whenever an opportunity to play presented itself.

Whether it’s involved writing, drawing, or music, I’ve been telling stories since before I was in preschool. I’m not sure how I would have survived my childhood if it hadn’t been for my imagination. I know I can’t live without it as an adult.

There’s always been a particular appeal in creating my own worlds with their own rules, as opposed to immersing myself in a world someone else made, where the rules are complicated and allow unwanted things to happen.

Being with a gamer like Azul puts me in an interesting position. Some of his games I enjoy watching unfold as much as any book or film.

Unfortunately, for every Arkham Knight, there is a game like Killing Floor.  The first time I saw the mutated aberrations in Killing Floor 2, their blood mingling with their victims smeared all over the hospital walls, I actually threw up. When the monstrous boss Patriarch zapped onto the screen, Quentin ran under the bedcovers and whimpered at his rattling voice.

It went better after that shocking initiation. However, earlier this week my boyfriend joined an online gaming party and played Killing Floor. He wore his headphones so as to minimize the disruption for me, and I decided to take a nap. 

Unfortunately, as video games often elicit a strong response from their players, so did it with the team. And all I could hear was one voice shouting obscenities in frustration.

My father.

I woke with a sob in my throat and tears on my face, my boyfriend cupping my face with his hands.

“I am not him,” he whispered, kissing my forehead. He left the game soon afterwards and spent the remainder of the evening watching nostalgic videos with me.

I’d like to say gaming wasn’t ruined by my childhood, but obviously this is not the case. However, this new chapter of my life is not defined by the past ones. Azul has been playing Kingdom Hearts for the past few days. He will return to Killing Floor 2 today, but I think it will be fine. He knows not to yell in anger, and I know not to fall asleep on this one. 

What matters is that we try for each other. We will always try, because it’s our world and our rules.

–G.G.

The thing about gaming is, it’s not always about just the games. Azul has a social network. When we first started going out I didn’t expect to become so heavily acquainted with his gaming community. But, in spite of a self-conscious attitude and no real know-how about their favorite hobby, I took to them quickly.

I suppose Quentin did too, in his own one-stop-from-a-Taco-Bell-mascot way. At least, I suspect he’s been comfortable with the voices coming out of his new daddy’s laptop judging by the way he’ll snuggle in close to it.

Azul’s friends – now my friends too, I think – are fantastic, fascinating people from all around globally speaking. Thankfully, I don’t have to speak to the gaming culture to reflect genuine interest in other ones.

Of course, there are those out there who hide in toxic gaming culture. Insensitive, rude, and utterly disrespectful to the games they play and their fans.

Apparently one of them lives about an hour away from us. He’s the type who asks for money via his YouTube channel to support his gaming habit, then uses it to buy a new girlfriend and a cat.

Azul and his friends burn off their frustration at this blight on the universe by watching and making reaction videos to this individual; dropping their jaws as he live streams while poorly playing the easier games, shouting out foul insults directed at both his console and his fans.

I’ve never quite understood the nature of that. I grew up having some gamers in the family, and it’s generally kept me in the opinion that if you don’t have the patience for an electronic machine, then you don’t have the patience for something that’s a bit more high maintenance. Like, say, another human being.

Maybe my lack of love for video games stems from this. I don’t know. But what I do know is that my distrust for gamers has been turned on its head.

Yes, my boyfriend swears a bit whenever his character suddenly dies. I have never seen him violently throw his controllers. I have never heard him accuse the game of “cheating” against him. And no game has ever been so important that my slightest interruption merited a verbal beat down

In fact, if I suggest after some time during a game that he take a break with me, my wish is granted within under five minutes. And even if he is talking to his best friend in the gaming community, he’ll hang up as soon as acceptably possible if I need some help. His friends never complain, and are always willing to assist in whatever function they can as well.

There will always be a bit of toxic waste mixed in with the gems of the gaming world.  But really, I’ve seen my share of toxic gaming. This is my first time seeing it with my gem of a boyfriend and his code-abiding comrades.

Til next time,

G.G.

Call me GG.

I’ll make this one quick: I’m not a game player.

Just, whatever it is, please no. It’s been an unfortunate burden on my friendships – from the Bananagrams to World of Warcraft enthusiasts, I’ve been disappointing for decades.

Now here I am, sharing a roof with the love of my life.

And his PS4. And a PS3, along with the Xbox siblings One and 360. I watch him play every day and I’ll be honest.

It’s fun. He really has great taste in games.

Which leaves me pondering about whether I’ll ever grow enough of a taste for it to want to join him on his quests, or remain cheering him on from the sidelines while holding onto our chihuahua child.

There are likely three kinds of people who will have a keen interest in our unfolding story. People like me, who are looking for a place in this unfamiliar, surprising world they have received with their commitment; people like my boyfriend, who may find some insight into their game-maidens’ hearts helpful in keeping a balanced relationship between what’s virtual and what’s reality; and as for the remainder, I hope there will be those interested enough in this story to see how the ‘true love’ endgame pans out.

I know I am.

Till next post, happy playing!

Gamer Girlfriend